Suddenly, a man wakes up in cold sweat dreading for his life. Launching himself upright he can almost hear his heartbeat while tasting the dryness in his mouth. His brain feels like a squeezed fruit and his body is trembling.
Yet another nightmare?
It's pitch black in the darkness except for just two rays of light shooting towards the bedside from between the thick curtains. It must have been daylight for a while now as he hears the muted sound of children playing somewhere outside.
Trying to calm himself down, a strong feeling sets in – yes it was him. He'd seen himself back in his twenties which was way over a decade ago.
Back then it was a time of unlimed potential, great optimism and mountains of energy. Those were the times he worked hard, strived to achieve his goals and pushed way beyond what could have otherwise been a comfortably flowing life. He was eager to see what his body and mind were truly made of. The constant rush of dopamine hitting like a drug might have numbed down his perceptions. All this time, subconsciously, it seemed as if he'd been running away from something he didn't want to face. Yet, somewhere along the way things finally started going wrong.
Standing up from the bed and walking to the kitchen, the man started pouring a glass of water.
Some years ago the clean slate that was his consciousness had started to fill up with regrets he couldn't learn to let go. They started possessing him. Why had he done everything he did? For whom? For what purpose? Did he ever truly dare to just be himself, or did an invisible hand control his decisions?
All these potentialities and what-if's were tormenting his mind, but an actual anger started settling back into his mind for another – a very sinister reason.
For far too many years he'd filled his waking moments by scrolling the never ending amount of amusing content online. Occasionally he'd sought answers to life and beyond in many of the great philosophical books he'd come across. The internet had meanwhile turned into something the likes of an evolving collective consciousness for all of humanity. By now anyone could find all the answers, perspectives, and entire sensations readily available and constantly evolving in one place. Nobody knew what this would lead to.
Sitting at the table he sank his head into his hands. Letting out a heavy breath of air, he felt that his emotional pain was almost indistinguishable from a true injury.
The question was if he should've used all that time and potential to live his life more fully, diving into the feeling of the moment and not looking back.
It was all too weird. Very weird indeed.